How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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