How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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