How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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