How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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