How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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