How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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