How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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