How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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