How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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