How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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