How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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