How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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