How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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