How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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