How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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