How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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