How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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