How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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