How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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