How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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