How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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