How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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