How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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