How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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