How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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