How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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