How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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