How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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