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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.
It came in at quarter past four.
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Where do you get whales weighed?
At the Whale-weigh station.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?
Meat and Democrats!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?
Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof
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What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?
Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A taxi driver.
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