How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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