How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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