How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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