How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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