How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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