How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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