How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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