How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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