How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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