How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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