How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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