How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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