How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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