How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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