How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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