How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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