How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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