How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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