How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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