How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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