How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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