How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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