How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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