How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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