How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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