How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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