How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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