How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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