How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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