How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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