How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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