How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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