How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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