How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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