How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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