How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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