How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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