How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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