How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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