How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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