How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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