How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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