How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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