How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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