How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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