How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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