How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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