How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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