How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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