How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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