How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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