How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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