How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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