How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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