How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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