How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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