How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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