How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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