How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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