How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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