How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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