How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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