How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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