How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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