How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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