How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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