How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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