How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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