How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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