How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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