How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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