How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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