How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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