How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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