How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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