How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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