How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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