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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?
You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What clothes does a house wear?
Address.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?
A baboom
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?
Hi school.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?
Sherlock Bones.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?
Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the alien say to the garden?
Take me to your weeder!
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