How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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