How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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