How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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