How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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