How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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