How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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