How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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