How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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