How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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