How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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