How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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