How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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