How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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