How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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