How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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