How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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