How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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