How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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