How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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