How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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