How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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