How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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