How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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