How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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