How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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