How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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