How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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