How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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