How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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