How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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