How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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