How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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