How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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