How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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