How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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