How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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