How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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