How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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