How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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