How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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