How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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