How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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