How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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