How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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