How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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