How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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