How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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