How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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