How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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