How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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