How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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