How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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