How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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