How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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