How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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