How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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