How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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