How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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