How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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