How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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