How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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