How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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