How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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