How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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