How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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