How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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