How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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