How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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