How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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