How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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