How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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