How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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