How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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