How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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