How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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