How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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