How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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