How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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