How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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