How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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