How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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