How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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