How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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