How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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