How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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