How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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