How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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