How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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