How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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