How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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