How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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