How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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