How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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