How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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