How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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