How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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