How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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