How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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