How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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