How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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