How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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