How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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