How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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