How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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