How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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