How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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