How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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