How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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