How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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