How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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