How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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