How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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