How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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