How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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