How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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