How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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