How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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