How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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