How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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