How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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