How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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