How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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