How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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