How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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