How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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