How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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