How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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