How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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