How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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