How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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