How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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