How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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