How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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