How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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