How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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