How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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