How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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