How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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