How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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