How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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