How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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