How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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