How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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