How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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