How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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