How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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