How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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