How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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