How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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