How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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