How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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