How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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