How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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