How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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