How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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