How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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