How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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