How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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