How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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