How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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