How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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