How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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