How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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