How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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