How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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