How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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