How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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