How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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