How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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