How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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