How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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