How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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