How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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