How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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