How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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