How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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