How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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