How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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