How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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