How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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