How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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