How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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