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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine, he woke up.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces
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Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.
Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What kind of table has no legs.
A multiplication table.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??
None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?
They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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