How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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