How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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