How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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