How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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