How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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