How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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