How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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