How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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