How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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