How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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