How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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