How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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