How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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