How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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