How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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