How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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