How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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