How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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