How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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