How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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