How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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