How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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