How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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