How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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