How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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