How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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