How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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