How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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