How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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