How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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