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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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What did one titration say to the other?
"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",
he said, "Those are pickled onions".
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?
Terrorists have sympathizers
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What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
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