How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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