How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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