How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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