How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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