How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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