How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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