How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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