How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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