How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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