How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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