How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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