How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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