How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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