How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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