How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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