How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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