How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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