How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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