How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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