How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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