How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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