How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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