How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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