How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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