How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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