How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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