How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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