How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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