How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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