How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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