How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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