How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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