How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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