How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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