How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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