How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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