How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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