How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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