How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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