How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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