How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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