How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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