How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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