How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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