How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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