How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.

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