How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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