How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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