How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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