How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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