How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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