How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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