How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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