How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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