How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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