How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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