How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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