How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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