How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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