How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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