How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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