How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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