How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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