How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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