How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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