How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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