How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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