How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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