How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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