How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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