How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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