How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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