How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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