How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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