How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.

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