How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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