How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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