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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?
Gator-Ade.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?
They both come in tots.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,
it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a messy hippo?
A hippopota-mess
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?
They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.
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