How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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