How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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