How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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