How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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