How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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