How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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