How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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