How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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