How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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