How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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