How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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