How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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