How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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