How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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