How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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