How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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