How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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