How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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