How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights

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