How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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