How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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