How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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