How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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