How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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