How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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