How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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