How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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