How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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