How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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