How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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