How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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