How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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