How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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