How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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