How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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