How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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