How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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