How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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