How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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