How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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