How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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