How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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