How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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