How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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