How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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