How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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