How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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