How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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