How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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