How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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