How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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