How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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