How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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