How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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