How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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