How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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