How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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