How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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