How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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