How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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