How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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