How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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