How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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