How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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