How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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