How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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