How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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