How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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