How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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