How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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