How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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