How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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