How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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