How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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