How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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