How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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