How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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