How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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