How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.

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