How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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