How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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