How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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