How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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