How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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