How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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