How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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