How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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