How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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