How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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