How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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