How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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