How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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