How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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