How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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