How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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