How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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