How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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