How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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