How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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