How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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