How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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