How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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