How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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