How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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