How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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