How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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