How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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