How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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