How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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