How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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