How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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