How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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