How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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