How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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