How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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