How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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