How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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