How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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