How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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