How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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