How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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