How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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