How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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