How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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