How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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