How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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