How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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