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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A Flat Major
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of music do planets sing?
Neptunes!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Silverware.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?
In their Sleevies!
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