How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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