How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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