How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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