How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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