How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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