How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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