How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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