How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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