How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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