How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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