How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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