How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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