How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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