How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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