How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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