How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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