How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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