How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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