How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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