How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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