How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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