How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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