How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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