How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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