How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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