How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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