How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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