How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.

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