How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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