How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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