Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
or
Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
or
Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.
or
Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
or
or