How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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