How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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