How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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