How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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