How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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