How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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