How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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