How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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