How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.

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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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