How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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