How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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