How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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