How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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