How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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