How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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