How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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