How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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