How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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