How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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