How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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