How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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