How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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