How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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