How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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