How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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