How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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