How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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