How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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