How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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