How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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