How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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