How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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