How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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