How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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