How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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