How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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