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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you believe in humans?
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?
Thorium.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?
Camembert.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,
he's bisatchel.
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Which day do fish hate?
Fryday
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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