How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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