How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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