How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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