How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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