How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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