How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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