How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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