How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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