How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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