How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board

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