How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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