How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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