How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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