How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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