How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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