How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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