How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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