How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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