How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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