How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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