How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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