How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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