How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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