How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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