How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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