How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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