How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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