How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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