How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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