How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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