How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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