How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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