How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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