How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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