How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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