How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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