How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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