How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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