How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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