How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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