How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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