How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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