How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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