How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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