How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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