How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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