How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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