How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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