How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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