How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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