How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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