How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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