How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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