How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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