How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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