How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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