How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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