How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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