How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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