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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.
So I went - and I got it.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
Pointless
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What's the definition of a gentleman?
One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
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Why are pirates great singers?
They can hit the high C's!
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what do you call a tick on the moon?
A luna-tick
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?
A workaraunt.
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