How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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