How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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