How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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