How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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