How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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