How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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