How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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