How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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