How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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