How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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