How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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