How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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