How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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