How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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