How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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