How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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