How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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