How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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