How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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