How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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