How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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