How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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