How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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