How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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