How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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