How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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