How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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