How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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