How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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