How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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