How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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