How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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