How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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