How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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