How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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