How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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