How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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