How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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