How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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