How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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