How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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