How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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