How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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