How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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