How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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