How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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