How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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