How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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