How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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