How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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